Walking Home

Seventy-six years ago tonight it was April 27th, 1945. A man I used to know was 20 then.

This is a very simple little story. Tonight in April 1945, a young American airman missed his last transport home from a dance and had to walk from Ipswich to where he was based, on an airfield at Leiston, which doesn’t exist any more, returned to the fields it was before 3,000 Americans came to live there.

So far as I can make out his journey was twenty-two miles, give or take a mile or two. But it’s difficult to be sure. The road he took isn’t certain. He couldn’t remember how he got out of Ipswich in the dead of night. There were no signposts; all the signposts had been taken down in 1940, to hinder the German invaders who never came. He had to walk because there was no traffic on the roads at that time of night, and precious little traffic anyway. All civilian car drivers had problems getting petrol and anyway, back then most people didn’t have a car. Even if they did, the airfield was deep inside a security zone, where travel was under curfew and no-one except locals were allowed to travel, for ten miles back from the coast. His memories of the exact route were quite faint when he told me about it. He couldn’t remember where one of his girlfriends had lived in Ipswich either, the one he said he should have married.

You can hear his story here:

I drive parts of this route most weeks, living here on the edge of England. A decade ago I drove the whole of the route with him, when he came over to visit for the annual Memorial Service at Leiston. He laid a wreath on the monument there in Harrow Lane, a place at the edge of a caravan park in a field commemorating the fact that in eighteen months eighty-two men took off from the airfield and never came back. All around the memorial are lush green fields. The few airfield buildings that remain are falling down. We walked around some of them looking at the few things that remained; some old graffiti about buying war bonds, and some more words written on the walls of a hut that turned out to be notes on when some piglets long turned to chops and bacon were born, back in 1960 something. All day it rained on and off, much as Joe said it used to pretty much all the time he was there, from late January until after VE day, 9th May, Victory in Europe day, when Germany was defeated. Everyone got drunk for two weeks. They were given extended unofficial leave because although the war wasn’t over and the Japanese were still undefeated, Japan was a long way away and getting the whole army and air-force machinery around the world to fight Hirohito’s forces would take weeks, so long before jet flight and charter holidays. As it turned out, his squadron were sent to Germany when everyone had sobered up, the airforce of occupation in a country where every town of any size had been bombed.

But that’s rushing to the end of this story, which is really about the road. It’s hard to tell how the journey was made, because obviously it all happened a long time ago and even here in East Anglia things change. I originally planned to walk the same road and see how much it’s changed for myself. From the start, I knew it had changed a lot. It was going to take a lot of detective work to find-out where the road was different and when and how it got that way. It was going to be a combination of his memory of a place that once was, looking at maps to see how the roads have changed over the last 70 years and a bit of guesswork. I hoped that I’d have to use as little guesswork as possible. 

I like finding things out, and I like knowing what went before. The first time I knew about the airfield was when I moved into Yoxford, which is a village of about 700 people four miles from Leiston and its airfield and about twenty miles up the east coast, north of Ipswich. 

Lt. Col Joe Shea, Leiston Memorial Service

There are no motorways in Suffolk. It’s a county of holidaymakers and retired people. It has beautiful days in summer when time seems to stand absolutely still. And it is bitterly cold in winter, when the wind rushes straight in from Russia, blowing clear across Holland and the North Sea without a single hill in the way for 1500 miles and more. I didn’t know anything about the village apart from the fact that it was ten miles from Southwold and the property prices were about half what they were in the ultimate 1950s timewarp seaside resort. The obvious thing to do was search the Internet, and the first and pretty much the only thing I found when I typed “Yoxford” into Google was a website dedicated to the Yoxford Boys. It sounded like a boxing club, but when I clicked on it the reality was a little different. One of the pilots who had flown from Leiston, a man called Bud Anderson, was not only still alive but had built a website dedicated to everyone who served there, on Station 373, the home of the United States Army Air Force 357th Fighter Group, who Lord Haw Haw, William Joyce, called “The Yoxford Boys” in a radio broadcast.

Along with so much of this story, so much has changed, so much has been forgotten and to make sense of the story I needed to unpick the layers of forgotten things, And I think this story, and all the other stories like this, need to be told. Because this is not a blood and guts tale of how a brave pilot won the war, the kind of thing Hollywood used to make films about. This is one story among literally millions of others about how a very young man did something lots of ordinary young men did, missed his lift, in extraordinary circumstances. And these were. Apart from the fact there was a war on, after Elmer had walked his 26 mile trudge through the spring lanes of Suffolk he had less than half an hour to get ready to fly one of the last combat missions of the war, eight hours of long range patrol and bomber escort into Germany. 

Like almost everything else I knew, or thought I knew about what my generation and certainly my father’s and grandfather’s generation always called The War, with capital letters. World War Two was the always the only war for them. Everything else that came after, all the scrubby little bushfights and fiascos like Korea, Cyprus, Aden, Northern Ireland, even Vietnam, all of these were never talked about in the same way. Not even the Cuban missile crisis, probably the closest any of us ever came to total and absolute nuclear destruction was never talked about the same way as The War. That was always in capitals.

I think it was probably because that war, World War Two as they only called it in the Airfix catalogue or the Radio Times, the Second World War, The War affected everybody, whether or not they were in uniform, and all the others really only affected the people who lived near whatever was happening, along with the people sent there to sort it all out. Or not, in most of those cases. Perhaps it was also called The War because it was the last time there was clearly, unarguably, a good side and a bad side and the good side won. Except of course calling any side absolutely good is a bit moot when both sides had the Soviet Union nominally on their side, and many of the people who fought the Nazis with us were sent back by us to the USSR and killed by the Soviets. Who raped tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of German women. The Soviet Union that Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister who Alf Garnett, Margaret Thatcher, Brexiters and thousands of others would not hear a word against knew all about in advance and let it happen. 

I remember an English teacher at my primary school who jumped into a conversation about the interminable war games we played at break. Practically every boy, even some of the girls, was on the British and American or the German side. I never minded being on the German side. Even now I don’t know why. It certainly wasn’t a political thing. Nobody told us about death camps, or pretty much anything else. Politics meant Harold Wilson on TV telling us one week that devaluing the pound would not affect the pound in our pockets and the next week reappearing to tell us that actually, thinking about it, it would, sorry about that, easy mistake to make, you know how it is when you’re busy. Goebbels and Goring and Hitler didn’t have television to broadcast on. Maybe it wouldn’t have been any different if they did. But there were differences, just under the surface.

The English teacher pounced on something somebody said, about how the Americans were on our side. She said they weren’t. That they were on their own side. I remember it still, the first time I ever heard a single voice even vaguely different to the official line. 

When you start peeling away it all gets a lot less clean and bright than it looks from a distance, or certainly from the distance that black and white war films gave me all through the 1960s, when I was a child. I grew up with the descendents of Polish exiles at school, in a society which had integrated them so effectively that no-one ever thought it was odd that in our little Wiltshire town there were kids called Chris Koslowski and Bozenka Kalinka. Just recently a friend from school remembered reciting the neams of all the Polish kids she remembered; together with another friend she got to around fifty names in one year of school roll of about a thousand. In the same way no-one thought it was odd that there was a little hut with a black coirrugated iron roof calling itself the Polish Deli on the road I walked to school along every morning. I went in there once when I was about fourteen.

I’d seen a deli in an American film and heard Don Maclean singing about American Pies. Thinking about it, that could have been a levee he was singing about, but in the same way and for the same reason, The War and its aftermath, or at least the interminable film autopsies every weekend afternoon that left English servicemen either disgusted or amused at the Americans winning it all on their own, as usual, as they said. But I put deli and levee and America and Fifth Avenue and Marilyn Monroe all together in my head to come up with something completely unlike the shabby shed full of old ladies wearing black buying sausages that I found when I opened the door. And blushed and stammered and wondered how I could go out again without anyone noticing, or how I could answer anyone who wanted to know what I wanted, who would only speak in Polish to me. 

I knew what I wanted but I didn’t know how to say it. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to be in a deli. But more than that I wanted to be more American, which wasn’t at all easy in Wiltshire in the early 1970s. Around the same time I saw one of the original American Beatniks being interviewed on our local TV station. He had been trying to jump a train and ride the rails at Temple Meads in Bristol, Brunel’s huge station on the Great Western Railway. The Beatnik sounded as confused as I was. Instead of being beaten-up by the railroad guards as he expected, they told him to mind out because the goods yard could be a dangerous place. They probably gave him a cup of tea. I felt like him all the time.

America was everywhere but it was almost impossible to find-out where. At school we played war games because it was the time war films were being made, as our fathers settled into middle age and remembered or pretended to remember a time when they didn’t live on a housing estate so new the pavements were made of gravel. We watched war films every weekend on TV. The films in colour were American. The black and white ones were usually British. The airplanes were a different shape and where the American GIs in the promotional TV shows like Combat, where a platoon fought its way across a generation’s memories of Normandy, where the German tanks were usually American 1950s models painted grey, where the Americans had semi-automatic Garand rifles even aged six or so you could see the difference as the plucky Brits soldiered on with Lee-Enfields left over from the war before, the kind illustrated in cut-away drawings in the red-bound Encyclopaedia Brittanica my father bought.

Years later I found a photo in a newspaper that seemed to sum things up. A tractor at harvest time and two men under what could only be an English sky at harvest time, their tractor looking like something Constable could have easily imagined, towing some arcane reaping machine or a binder or something else to do with harvest and corn and weird flailing mechanical arms, the kind of machine that Brunel would have laughed at before he puffed on his cigar and reached for his pencil and notebook. British mechanised farming in the early 1940s; you could tell because the colours were a bit wrong in the photo. The other clue was the men were harvesting right up to the edge of the field, long before set-aside strips had been thought off, right up to and under the steel silver wing of the B17, the Flying Fortress bomber parked at its dispersal bay on what had been farmland until the middle of 1943. When the Americans came. 

Here in Suffolk it’s still impossible to drive more than ten miles without coming across another collection of narrow lanes of crumbling concrete set-out in an A-shape, the runways that are still left, the concrete scars that gave George Orwell the idea to call England Airstrip One when he wrote 1984.

So this is one story. I don’t know yet whether it’s the story I want to tell. Maybe that’s what this story is about, keeping things from ending, keeping the stories after the people in the tale have gone. And like many people of my generation, I like these stories, I know how they end.

Back in January last year I walked the first half of Joe’s walk, from Ipswich railway station to Woodbridge. I’ve never managed to finish it, partly because the road has been re-routed and it doesn’t have a footpath alongside it any more, partly because I keep thinking it should be done at night to see exactly when daylight came so he could see where he was. Partly because there will be nothing there when I get to the end of the walk, no airfield, no huts, no engines starting, just the wind in the trees and the sightless windows of the few huts that at left that haven’t fallen down. Some of them you just don’t go near.

I live on another airfield, a B17 station. The first day I slept there I was woken by the sound of an engine I’ve never heard before or since. It went on for over ten minutes at six in the morning. I have absolutely no explanation for it. A quarter mile away there’s still building that was a generator house, a square brick building I’ve always wanted to convert into a house. Close by it is a long hut that used to the the gym and the chapel. I can’t even go through the door. Something stops me.

No, it’s fine to go inside. Honestly. I just need to tie my shoelace.
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The Irish Question

I try not to write about Brexit, simply because it’s the most stupid, depressing, self-destructive and utterly dishonest thing that has happened in politics in my lifetime. And also because I can’t write about it as well as this. And because writing about it doesn’t matter, unless you have a job writing lies about it, like say for example, the Prime Minister.

On a personal level I can’t get over a friend who not only voted for it, but necessarily voted therefore for the unarguable liar Johnson, a man who can’t even say publicly how many children he has. Her reason was as idiotic as the project itself. She was worried, she said, about ‘the rising power of Germany.’

After I’d checked that my leg wasn’t being pulled – it wasn’t – I bought her a calendar for Christmas. It was, admittedly, beautifully done, showing a print of a European city on each monthly page, as a reminder of places much more difficult to go and live in now. Another benefit of this particular calendar, I thought, was that it was this year’s date, rather than say, 1936 or somewhere nearer Herr Hitler’s accession.

But like the bad penny that always returns, Brexit isn’t going to go away. For nearly thirty years the thing that stopped me joining the Royal Marines had, namely the situation in Northern Ireland. Apart from the dubious efficacy of sending say, parachutists, or littoral warfare experts or the Horse Guards to troll around city streets not accepting cups of tea because they’d been used as lavatories very recently, I couldn’t accept the politics of it. Not Northern Ireland’s – I happily knew as little of that as the BBC was prepared to give me. It was the politics of soldiering that bothered me then and now to the extent that like prostitutes and housewives, regulars and mercenaries, I can’t see much difference in people doing the same job for money. I was notorious at school in Wiltshire for asking the only question when the Army came to recruit, which being less than ten miles from the Warminster School of Infantry was a handy go-to resource for any group of teachers who wanted a day off lessons once a year. The thing that bothered me was the loyalty thing. Not the ach mein Fuhrer, I vas only following orders bit, although it didn’t work at Nuremberg. I could understand that.

Clearly one of the lighter moments at the Nuremberg Trails.

What I couldn’t follow was the sanctimonious ‘we just do what politicians tell us, it’s not our fault, we just get the job done’ schtick, which probably every soldier from Trajan’s legions to some grunt currently winning hearts and minds in Afghanistan has used. A politician tells you, for example, go to Northern Ireland. Ok, you do that. It’s Good. Orders. Another politician wins the election and says don’t go to Northern Ireland. Ok, you do that. Also Good. Orders.

Sorry and all that, but this isn’t the same as choosing macchiato or mocha. This is putting bullets in people, or stopping other people doing that, often by doing that. That, after all, is pretty much what armies are for. The self-deception of ‘I just do what I’m told AND it’s always right (and its accompanying “AND if you weren’t there you can’t judge” utter BS) is exactly what exercises Simon Wiesenthal to this day.

So I didn’t go. For a variety of personal reasons, from loving shooting and being quite a good instructor to an ex’s next door neighbour being the Commandant General with whom I’d shared gin and tonics on the lawn and then let down rather badly, I’ve always had mixed feelings about that. I didn’t go to Northern Ireland either, until three years ago. I absolutely hated the place.

I was nervous the whole time I was there. I was tour guiding, with a bunch of American kids. We arrived the day after the Apprentice Boys’ Parade. Oh, that was nice. Smoke from smouldering bonfires hung over Belfast, some still burning in the street near the central bus station.

“Gee, this is … this is just like Nazi Germany” one of them said. I told him there was no way Nazi Germany was this untidy. All I knew of Belfast was reading A Breed of Heroes while I was teaching kids to shoot and chasing cheerleaders in Wisconsin and from watching the nightly news throughout most of my life until the Good Friday agreement seemingly miraculously put a stop to “A bomb has gone off in Northern Ireland” headlines. But they weren’t even headlines. It happened so often it was like the weather; it was what happened there.

My step-sister walked past the car that exploded and killed a man in London. A friend had walked past Liberty’s window minutes before it blew out in another IRA bomb attack. Back in Warminster an army officer was shot when he opened his front door, but to be fair, it was never proved who did that and nobody in Northern Ireland claimed it. I remembered the Brighton bomb, obviously. I also remembered sitting in a lecture hall, hearing the bang and looking out of the window to see smoke rising from another bomb in London, as close as I ever want to get to the action, thanks all the same. That wasn’t really tension; none of us in those scenarios knew what was going to happen. Tension was what I felt in Belfast, with the streets full of smoke, people wandering around drunk who quite clearly hadn’t seen home in 24 hours and flashbacks to BBC News stories around more than a few street corners, with the paint still fresh on the UVF murals tastefully painted on the end walls of houses we saw.

Because I knew nothing very useful about the place apart from “I don’t want to be here, in a DPM smock or not” we collected a local guide and toured around the city with her. She was about my age. She’d lived in her farmhouse on the border all her adult life. Back when I was just about becoming an adult at journalist college I used to hitchhike, which was what people did back then. Not many, and not often, but some. More than now, certainly. If you’ve ever seen Radio On you’ll remember the mad flack-happy squady hitcher who gets dumped with good reason on the old A4. Yes, it’s very retro. So are petrol bombs in Northern Ireland, and they seem to be bringing them back. My own experience of meeting squadies on the road was the flip side of PTSD; I remember very clearly one describing how his foot patrol had taken fire from a farmhouse across the border one night. He told me about emptying magazines of 7.62 into the window the flashes were coming from; then when it had all stopped, totally illegally raiding the farmhouse in Eire to find only pools of blood, not the body they wanted to prove what happened.

We got chatting, the guide and I. Because of the Royal Marines thing although I’d never been there I knew a fair bit about the situation. The coach drove us to the Peace Wall, overlooked by the remaining bits of the infamous Divis Flats I remembered from countless news stories. The kids were supposed to write messages of peace and hope on the wall originally built to stop the locals fighting each other. Personally, I thought it was a pointless bit of empty posturing for American teenagers, especially as this bunch were from California, not Boston and half of them were Hispanic. But hey, I’m just the guide so local lady guide, do your stuff.

Which she did quite nicely. The kids grabbed their magic markers and piled off the coach to write their encouraging slogans and the local guide and I stayed chatting on the street, by the door of the bus. Well, you know. Maybe.

While we were talking though, both being of an age where we remembered a time when someone screaming “Hard targets” was always a possibility, we kept an eye on what was going on around us. What we both noticed was a black ex-London taxi that was driving very slowly. Urban legend had it that at one time the IRA used these as well as local cabbies used them, but as mobile command centres that nobody would notice, not to pick-up fares. The cab slowly drove the length of our coach then stopped about 50 yards in front of us. Ok, it’s there. Nobody got in, nobody got out.

A small motorbike drove up in the opposite direction, slowly, two-up. It drove past the taxi, almost got to the coach, turned around, drove up to the black cab and stopped. The pillion talked to the cab driver through the window. I knew the local guide had seen this; from her glance I knew she knew I had too. The little motorbike turned around again and drove slowly towards the bus, past us standing just in front of the coach near the door at the front, and drove out of our sight, towards the rear of the bus and the fifty-two teenage Californians. That’s when it happened.

Bang! Bang!

I don’t know about you but in a fairly odd life, I’ve been shot at a few times. I nearly stopped a .45 ACP bullet in the face when I was at a shooting competition. I was shot at while I was visiting a castle in the hills above Toulon with an American girl. I think from the sound of it that it was only an air rifle, but given we couldn’t see who was doing it and we were the only people there, we were definitely being shot at. The time I walked into the middle of an IDF ambush was the least amusing. Pointing guns at people is very bad manners. Shooting them is even worse.

The local lady guide and I did the only sensible thing. Neither of us yelled ‘Hard targets!’ But we didn’t exactly cover ourselves with glory. We dived for cover out of sight of the taxi and the bike, ****ing fast. Sorry about that kids, but hey, no sense in us all getting shot, huh?

It turned out when the guide and I got back up and pretended nothing had happened (not to each other, out of earshot of the kids we both agreed we thought exactly the same thing was happening and it was not a good thing) it was just the bike. Backfiring. Like a cartoon. Ooops…..

Still the day brightened up. One of the kids told me he’d written ‘Screw the Peace Process” on the Peace Wall, so I had to tell his teacher because I didn’t want the entire bus actually really being massacred when the little motorbike turned out not to be backfiring at all, which meant the whole crew of Californians getting a Big Serious Speech back at the hotel, after which it turned out the kid told me he had only said that to impress me (son, do you know how fast I dived for cover? No. And you’re not going to. Utter idiot.) So that was all fun.

And the best bit came later that day, after we’d dropped off the nice local lady guide, who I’ve never seen again to this day. We left Northern Ireland and drove not through a checkpoint, not through the hard border my lunatic friend has put across the road, but just drove south, under the empty British Army guard posts and their array of antennas now receiving no messages at all, into the green fields of the Republic, heading for Dublin.

Dublin, another friend agreed, wasn’t that different to a bigger version of Trowbridge, but the south-west, where we were headed next, that was, and is, something else again. Best of all, it wasn’t bloody Belfast.

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First coat

I don’t think I’m very good with painting. Not galleries; I’m fine wandering around a gallery, Covid-allowing. One of the first things I’m doing when I’m allowed to is going to Eastbourne, to see the wondrous Eric Ravilious exhibition at the Towner Gallery. I missed it when it was in Dulwich because the queue was so long, six years back and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. There are some of his paintings at the Imperial War Museum and pathetically, just one at the British Museum, and an atypical one at that.

Aldeburgh, by Eric Ravilious. The bathing machines have gone.

Today was boat paint day, the first time it’s been warm enough or dry enough to even attempt to make the Drascombe look decent. The thing that happens with boat painting has happened: it looks ten times worse than it did when I started. They always do.

I got the first coat on. It’s run. It’s blotchy. I can’t get another coat of paint on today without dragging paint off that I’ve already put on. I couldn’t see the bits I’d missed until I’d put all the paint away because I thought it was going to rain, which it hasn’t yet but look as if it’s going to a lot tonight.

I’m not really worried about the paint coming off in the rain, because it’s boat paint, obviously. It’s not just that it’s supposed to resist water, but more the fact that a lot of boat people paint their boats on a slipway at low tide. There are two tides every day, 12 hours apart. That means paint would have to dry enough to stay on in about three to four hours. So that’ll be ok.

It’s just it looks terrible. It’ll be ok. It’ll certainly be ok by the time I’m allowed to go to the boatyard again, which looks like 12th April, just over a month away. But I mean, just look it it now.

White over black anti-foul. The way boats should be.

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Babysitting: Lucy Kellaway

About a thousand years ago I used to work with a man called Alec Kellaway. I say work, but I could never explain what it was he did at Mintel and when I asked him ,neither could he. Although it was a sunny summer morning long before the pubs opened, he gave every impression of being totally off his face. His assistant, in the far-off days when middle managers had assistants to open their email for them, explained to me later: he was being Michael Caine. Which was odd on two counts, one because Mintel wasn’t a theatrical agency and secondly because I thought he was just being an arse. Which however, wasn’t and isn’t Lucy Kellaway the former FT journalist’s responsibility or indeed, her fault.

About five years ago she wrote in the Financial Times about how big a pain it had become to work there, so she quit and re-trained to teach. Having a public profile already via the FT, it was a natural progression to getting a TV show about learning to teach. I’d done something like it just a year or two before, so I could identify very much with some of the issues being raised in the programme.

Yesterday the schools went back after lockdown. We’re all officially supposed to forget the day in December when the Prime Minister announced schools were too dangerous to go to, then said ah yes, but eheu, what he’d meant by that, naysayers notwithstanding, was that schools were very safe and should open at once, followed a few hours later by his announcement that actually, thinking about it, it had struck him that schools were lethal cesspools of infection and should be avoided at all costs. Except for the children of key workers, obviously, presumably on the grounds that their parents tended to be lower-paid so who really cares what happens to them. On the very same day schools were unsafe, safe, then unsafe, all the while “following the science”. And that’s official.

Officially Rude To Mention It

A lot of things in education are Officially Rude To Mention It. The time when I took a four-inch blade a pupil had publicly threatened another child with, to find him rewarded not with expulsion and a criminal record but with a one-day pass not to do any lessons was very, very ORTMI and I was all but shushed whenever I asked what possible reason there was for not getting rid of this little criminal. But you can’t say that. For a start, little is size-ist. But more important, if people like that aren’t mainstreamed, as the jargon goes, then their educational needs aren’t being met. Which translates into a disruptive child having the inalienable right to disrupt every other child’s learning.

Another thing Officially Rude To Mention is what schools are actually for, which was what Lucy Kellaway’s Saturday FT piece was about. Although I disagreed with her late namesake on the very few occasions I couldn’t avoid meeting him I didn’t disagree with the objectives of the organisation she set-up, Now Teach. But her words are telling.

“One day in early January I was at school, babysitting a handful of vulnerable students and kids of key workers who came to school during lockdown.”

Lucy Kellaway, FT 6 March 2021

Ooops! Lucy!!!

Vulnerable students means kids whose parents don’t GAF about them, which you’re totally not allowed to even think, let alone say. They’re kids whose mental health is a bit fragile. They’re kids with learning difficulties. They are kids with development issues. They are kids who need special attention and special treatment because that’s the way they are. And they don’t get it. They get mainstreamed. It’s simple gaslighting.

Mainstreaming is supposed to mean everyone is integrated. You cannot integrate a kid who is violently scared of unexpected noises (usually for a very good reason) in a classroom full of kids. You cannot integrate a kid who can’t see the page properly, or a kid who looks at the page and sees the letters jumping around. Or a kid who can’t read very well in their own language, which isn’t the one his book is printed in. Not at the same time and pace as the other twenty-nine kids in the class. Here in Suffolk a lot of parents know this perfectly well. But they still return a Conservative MP every time they get the chance not to, so their own kids’ education budgets are cut, all the special care is whittled away and their kids, whether with special needs or not, are just lumped in with everyone else to sink or swim. Victorian values, after all. That’s what they voted for.

The other boo-boo that lets the cat out of the bag is the B word. Babysitting. For weeks the UK media has been clamouring to take kids away from their parents, a large proportion of whom clearly can’t frickin STAND another day with the little brats hanging around their every attempt to watch porn on the work laptop in peace. But that’s what a lot of teaching very clearly is – storing the kids from 08:45 until home time.

At a private school I was at last year this applied unfairly, they thought, to two key workers’ children, brother and sister. Clever, quiet, affluent, they had one big problem – both their parents were doctors. Keyworkers. So you two, school bus. Now. I don’t care if it’s lockdown or not. That’s the law. Along with the kid who can’t hear without his implant aid and the kid who walks out of the room whenever someone drops a book.

When I started out as a teacher I thought it was my job to inspire. I wanted to prepare them for the world by telling them about it and interesting them in it. Yet about a year ago I stopped all that. The penny dropped: my view of education was at odds with the prevailing one.

Lucy Kellaway, FT 6 March 2021

Me too, Lucy. I remembered, reading that, of the time I was rejected from a teacher training course. I’d said two unforgivable things. Stories, I said, were a good thing. They gave context. Stories around the subject help people remember. They bring things to life. And apparently that is an absolutely disgusting, irrelevant notion that has no place in education today. Nor does the other thing I said was a good thing: school trips. Out of all the things I did at my very ordinary thousand-pupil Wiltshire school, the things I remember best are the school trips. Apart from Wednesday sailing club, a trip to Heathrow airport, wonder of the ages; Othello in London; a trip to Nympsfield to go gliding; a play in Salisbury; the trip to Dorchester as a pretend homage to Hardy, which was a trip to the museum then sitting in the kids’ pub, as distinct from the teachers’ pub, playing the jukebox and becoming a friend for life with someone I’d never spoken to, in a different form; another trip to Dorchester, because. A trip to the RSC.

No, no and apparently no. That’s not what school is for, I was told in writing. It’s for the National Curriculum. It’s for cramming the facts Michael Gove approves of. It’s for passing exams. It’s absolutely definitely certainly not for real life, enjoying yourself, or putting anything at school in a broader context so it might actually have some use for you later.

More and more I agreed with everything Lucy Kellaway wrote.

The children need the qualifications not to understand the world but to make their way in it. The point of my job is to open doors for students and exams are those doors.

Lucy Kellaway, FT 6 March 2021

Which is true and I can deal with that. The problem starts when you have a huge number of kids – those with reading difficulties, for example, those who can’t deal with the noise level of other kids, for another – who are never going to pass exams. It isn’t just that some doors never open, not for them. The bigger problem is getting baby-sitters for kids for whom school doesn’t have any purpose if all the real-life learning is taken out of it.

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Glossing over it

I’ve talked about it before, but it’s time to open the can again. Tonkinoise oil.

Just so you know, I hate yacht varnish. Oh, for all sorts of reasons. It being rubbish, for example. For a start, it flakes off. It gets water underneath it and makes a lighter-coloured bubble. Which will flake off. It gets degraded by the sun, as who doesn’t? But when yacht varnish is broken down by age, what happens is…. oh. You guessed it. It flakes off.

What usually happens of course is that only some of it flakes off. Then you have to get the sander out and discover, in the course of things, that what you’d happily thought was wood is in fact plywood. And you’ve just gouged stripes in it of the kind the Beast of Bodmin would have been pretty proud of. Or Black Shuck, in these parts.

So Tonkinoise. The French Navy used to use it. One coat just makes the wood underneath look deep and rich and luscious. Five coats makes them shine like a Kennedy’s yacht at Hyannis. You don’t have to de-grease the wood, the way you have to with yacht varnish, otherwise…… Got it yet? It’ll flake off.

The bumpkin on the Drascombe I got just before Christmas looked a bit tired, so I sanded it down a few weeks ago, because, practising to be an imaginary parent, it wasn’t going out looking like that, whether its friends do or not. The bumpkin, or bookin, or bumpkin, depending on your tastes for those unlucky enough not to have a Drascombe Lugger, is the thin stick that pokes out the back as we salty sailor boys call it. It keeps the sail on the mizzen mast out, since you ask. And it was looking old and tired. Just sanding it made it look better.

Not remotely flakey

One of the biggest deals about Tonkinoise is it soak into the wood instead of making a layer on top of it, which means it can’t flake off. And I don’t understand why most boat people in the UK have never even heard of it.

This is just one thin coat of it. You can see the difference immediately. I like it shiny, but if you want a hard-working matte finish juts add some white spirit. That’s the only thing to watch out for – if you’ve just cleaned your brush with white spirit it’s not going to go on shiny.

But there’s another difference too, a big one. It’s made of crushed nuts or something similar, not something stewed up in a chemical factory. It’s environmentally friendly. When the oil wells go dry there will still be Tonkinoise.

And best of all, it doesn’t do weird things to your head when you’re working with it.

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Testing, testing, 1,2,3

Two days ago I had my AstraZeneca anti-Covid injection. For the first day my arm was a bit tender where the injection went in, and I ached a bit, pretty much all over, with a slight headache. I felt as if I was dehydrated, but judging by urine colour, I wasn’t. It just felt like a mild dose of flu, but without the hallucinations and conversations with Marine Boy.

Last early night I was on Facebook and saw that the local fire station was doing asymptomatic Covid tests. We booked at about 10pm, online, found a slot at 0800 this morning and went along and got tested. It took five minutes for the test. It didn’t hurt. And I found that today I don’t have Covid. Which was nice.

I didn’t have any symptoms I couldn’t easily explain as the effect of the injection. I didn’t have a cough. I didn’t think I had a temperature to the extent that I didn’t bother to root the thermometer out of the cupboard and find out – it didn’t actually cross my mind.

So why test? For me, it was obvious. As someone who has stopped teaching partly because I refuse to be sacrificed to Covid on the alter of Boris Johnson’s ego, I’m extremely interested in the idea that people who don’t think they have anything wrong with them actually do and can go on to die of it. Unapologetically more importantly they might give it to me.

The other reason, obviously, is if asymptomatic transmission of the virus is a thing, then the only way of knowing what proportion of people have it is to test people, whether they think they’ve got it or not. As the house magazine of the British Medical Association put it, by failing to integrate testing into clinical care, we’ve missed an important opportunity to better understand the role of asymptomatic infection in transmission. So far in the world-beating UK, we’ve managed to take an entire year missing this opportunity.

You go to the testing station and queue up a safe distance from the not very many other people in the queue. There’s time to look at the mangled cars the firemen take to pieces and see how high the practice tower is. Rather quaintly I thought, it had proper light switches on it.

You’re given a slip of paper with a bar code on it and two bar code stickers. Do not do what I did and stick one on your notebook so you don’t lose it; it’s not for you anyway.

Top tip: The sticker will come off without ripping if you do it slowly.

I totally messed-up logging on to the website to put my details in. It all looks at first glance as if it’s very high tech but if that’s seriously what £200 billion buys then someone’s done very nicely out what could have been done with a box of pencils and a Roneo-Vickers copier full of pink ink, the kind that was cutting edge when I was at school.

When things got done properly at schools. NB scabby jumper and cigarette.

It doesn’t hurt

The lateral trace test isn’t a blood test. There are no injections, no blood, no rolling your sleeves up or anything like that. There was some massive confusion though. The tester obviously wasn’t a doctor, but he didn’t need to be. What he did need to do was speak a bit louder. I couldn’t hear him through his mask and when I did he made no sense.

Do you know where your tonsils are?

When did you last see your tonsils?

I’m old, ok? That’s why I don’t want to die yet. It’s also why, it is submitted m’lud, that when I hear a question like that I grab the first thing that comes out of the grab-bag of associations and random historical artefacts I call my memory. Which was this picture.

I last saw my tonsils over *cough* years ago. I don’t have any. They were taken out at the Royal United Hospital in Bath, which is what happened to almost everyone’s tonsils back then. I imagine, although I don’t know, they went into the incinerator there. But I don’t know. So I can’t answer this presumably vital medical question. I asked him to say it again in case I’d misunderstood.

Nope. That’s what he’d said. Do I know where my tonsils are? No. I still don’t. I know where they were, but that’s a completely different thing. Once we’d cleared that up we got down to the unpleasantness, such as it was.

You’re asked to sanitise your hands. Then blow your nose and chuck the tissue in the bin provided. Sanitise your hands again. You’re given a swab, like a cotton bud from the pound-shop, but longer, much thinner and I’d guess, as there is one per sterile pack for one use only, rather more than a pound. You’re asked to rub the swab up and down your absent tonsils (or in my case, where they used to be once upon a time in a land long ago) four times. Then stick it up your nose and rotate it ten times. Not nine. Not eleven. I thought that was rather sweet. The gagging I couldn’t help doing when I stuck the swab in the back of my throat, having no tonsils to act as a guide, wasn’t rather sweet, but that was as unpleasant as it got.

All done, go away. You get an email half an hour later. I’m clear. Today, anyway.

It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t cost you anything. It’s essential it gets done if we’re going to have any real idea how many people are infected, if people can be infected and more importantly can give the virus to other people, without knowing they have anything wrong with them at all.

But there are things wrong with all this. It’s very wrong this is only being done now. It’s utterly ludicrous that this Track and Trace programme has taken a year to roll-out. It’s absolutely farcical and yet somehow predictable now in England, that the only way I knew about the test even being available was by being on Facebook at the right time, totally by accident. I’ve heard nothing about it on local radio, national radio or the local newspaper website. How that’s supposed to be effective is unclear.

What also isn’t clear is how NASA spent $2 billion on a rocket to Mars but in the UK it costs £200 billion to stick a baby bud up your nose. It’ll be a world-beating reason, whatever it is. Obviously. You have the Prime Minister’s word on it.

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It’s not flu, it’s me

For reasons that were never made clear, as Hunter S. Thompson used to say, I had my first Astra-Zeneca Covid injection yesterday. I don’t know why. Ok, the six thing on my date of birth might have been it, but I’ve heard of people over 70 not having had it yet, so I’m a tad confused. So far as I know, I don’t have any underlying health conditions, apart from the DVT business where I came very close to being very dead indeed, but that was fifteen years ago and all sorted out. So far as I know.

Last week I had an interview about communicating to minority communities about the need to get vaccinated. I thought it was going to be creating communications and that, which I’m quite good at. It was much more about going into care homes, which isn’t something I’d feel very comfortable with at all. I spent years in an old people’s home when I was a kid. It’s a long story. I still like hyacinths. I don’t like wing-back chairs. Especially in wipe-down Naugahyde. In orange. All I’m saying for now.

Anyway, I got a text out of the blue on Friday. I’m eligible for the jab. Go online and book it. So I did.

The first available slot was next day, which didn’t really suit, but the day after did so I went along to Woodbridge Community Hall at 08:45. It didn’t suit either really to be out of bed and doing stuff at that time on a Sunday, but I quite wanted not to get Covid so needs must.

You just go along, they ask for an ID number on the text they sent, they sanitise the chair, you sit down, they ask you if you’ve got Covid and if you’ve had the jab before and if you’re going to have an allergic reaction to anything you know about. Then they inject you.

At one time in my life not unrelated to DVT, for about a week I had to have injections about every fifteen minutes. I didn’t like injections before that. I wouldn’t say I liked them now, but after being jabbed every quarter hour you do become a bit habituated to it. When I got on a plane after that I had to inject myself. Or maybe die, so it was up to me, really. With that amount of injections you get to know who’s good at them and who isn’t. Nurses are. Doctors, by and large, aren’t. At the Community Hall they use nurses. Good.

I hardly felt it. Practice makes perfect. There were some after effects. I had a slightly sore arm about five minutes later, but nothing very troubling. About eight hours later I ached all over and had a slightly more sore arm, as I had when I woke up this morning, clear headed but otherwise feeling dehydrated (I wasn’t) and as if I was having a very mild dose of flu apart from the consolation dream/trance state I’ve always quite liked. The odd thing was that while I ached all over, as soon as I moved the ache stopped. Devoted Partner said that was how she felt all the time anyway.

So that’s it. I booked the second dose as soon as I could, which turns out to the towards the end of April. I haven’t found myself gravitating unaccountably towards 5G phone masts. I haven’t suddenly felt an irresistible compulsion to buy shares in Microsoft. I might short Pratt & Whitney but I’m pretty sure that’s more because they seem to have forgotten how to make airplane engines that work properly, rather than any mind-control stuff injected into me.

It’s really simple, just like everything to do with Covid. You can do what you can to stop it spreading. Or you can act like a selfish prick. It doesn’t really matter how you dress it up about access to information and communications strategies – everyone with a mobile phone has got Google, choice and free will. I chose to listen to the BMA rather than someone who does their research sitting on the loo. It really, seriously, is that simple.

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Hopefully useless

What you’re not supposed to do…

The best thing that can happen with any emergency equipment is that it turns out to be a total waste of money. Not because it doesn’t work, but because hopefully you’ll never need it. I’ve always been addicted to the stuff, especially for sailing. I’ve looked longingly at emergency nylon mesh cradles for getting people back on board. You need, you really NEED these if someone goes over the side in the North Sea because as you know from your extensive internet research, the Luftwaffe found more of their pilots survived after a ducking when they were recovered horizontally than if they were dragged out of the water the way you’d do it in a hurry – head up, feet down, along with all their blood, hence the heart attack seconds after they were supposed to be safe onboard. I still haven’t got one of those.

One of the first things I did get however, was a Bell throw-line. That was twenty years ago and it’s been used precisely five times, every one of them in practice. Essentially it’s like a plastic stick grenade except the inside has a coiled line inside instead of explosive, which makes it more acceptable at most yacht clubs. Probably even at Sydney Harbour. The idea is you can throw it further and more accurately than throwing a coil of line, especially into the wind.

But that was then. This year I went slightly higher tech. One of the things that I had instilled into me by my old clients Inmarsat was that mobile phones don’t work offshore. Now, the fact that I don’t go offshore, or in fact out of the treacherous upper reaches of the Deben last year, isn’t the point. I did get marooned, cast-up on an inhospitable shore at the mercy of the elements. It had been a bit of a day.

First, I was late getting out onto the boat. It’s an old, (very) Folkboat, which means it needs 1.3 metres of water underneath it (four foot nine in Brexit money) before you’re going anywhere. In the Deben, this limits your sailing to four hours maximum, or it does from where I’m moored at Martlesham. Still, I thought I had time for a little sail anyway.

I was single-handed, so I motored out to the main channel with the main sail slack and flapping about, then tightened it all up to head downstream. The tide was going out. I just hadn’t appreciated how fast. Off Waldringfield, where you have to stick to the west side of the river, it’s very fast. Too fast to tack through and turn around, but I didn’t know that until I tried.

The plan was put the engine on, tack round, get the main down and motor back while there was still some water. The engine always starts on my boat, so long as the battery is charged. If it turns over, it runs. The only flaw in this plan was that it takes about two minutes to do it. You have to make sure it’s in neutral, kneel down, unlatch the hatch, pull it up, latch it up so it doesn’t fall on your head. I hate things hitting my head. Really hate it.

Next you pull the valve lever up, hold it up while you push the starter button then release the lever, unlatch the hatch, close it and latch it down again. Obviously you can’t steer or do anything else while you’re doing all this. Nor see where you’re going.

Where I was going, or where the five knot current was taking me, wasn’t through the anchorage, it turned out, but into the mooring line of an anchored-up Essex gin palace about five times bigger than my boat. The first time I was really aware of its existence was when I got its bow-sprit in my ear. No matter. We can just push off and drift down with the current. Except we can’t, because the gin palace’s anchor warp (oh, alright, rope then…) was happily wedged between my rudder and the stern of my boat. Because I hadn’t put the bottom rudder plate back on when I replaced the rudder. Because I hadn’t, that’s all.

The Harbour Master came out in a dinghy before I actualised my plan to cut the gin palace’s mooring loose. He tried to pull my boat clear but it wasn’t having any of it until he went back and came out with a boat with a bigger engine. I started-up again, free of the big plastic boat and departed with a cheery wave with which apparently they’re unfamiliar in the nautical parts of Essex.

I hammered back up the Deben to where the creek reaches West to Martlesham and home. And stupidly cut the corner. And stupidly came to a halt, stuck in the mud. I put it in reverse and shifted a little bit backwards. Just enough for my fibreglass dinghy to keep coming forward and drop its tow line around my propellor, which it wound around until the dinghy was dragged under and into the prop. Which happily started chewing it up until it turned over. I reached for my old sailing knife then, convinced idiotically that the dinghy would pull the yacht down with it.

The knife worked very well indeed, I’m pleased to say. The dinghy sank under the Folkboat, in all of by now three feet of water. With the tide running out the Folkboat settled over the dinghy. And cracked it in half as four tons of wood and lead keel did what Mrs Shearn’s Physics O Level lessons predicted it would.

Just static

I thought the best thing to do would be to phone Devoted Partner, except my phone was on the driver’s seat of my car. I had a handheld VHF radio though (obviously…) so I put out a PAN call. No answer. Nothing. I tried to call-up the Coastguard by name, but still nothing. Just static. I was close enough to the river bank, about thirty metres, to shout to a walker. Could he call Devoted Partner whose number was luckily in my notebook which I did have with me, so she’d know I wasn’t lost at sea, just going to be quite late. Like ten hours late, by the time the tide had come back again and floated me off this mudbank.

He did. I didn’t know what was happening now, because he’d walked away on his walk. It was August, but I had some water onboard and some old biscuits in a tin. No Swallows And Amazons pemmican, but you can’t have everything. My biggest concern, apart from no dinghy any more, was I didn’t have a book nor even Radio4, and although we were aground, you can’t walk on Deben mud. You’d drown, very unpleasantly. All I had to do was sit there.

I set an anchor fore and aft, then busied myself recovering one of them and throwing it out as far as I could towards the bank to stop the boat falling over down the slope of the river bank in case it didn’t float when the water came back, just filled up and sank. By now the idea of a final insurance claim seemed quite attractive.

About an hour went by. The boat wasn’t going to fall over. It was warm enough. Just a bit boring. But that all changed when the flourescent jackets turned up on the bank. They obviously, from all the pointing going on, wanted to talk to me, all eight of them, but they were at Kyson’s Point, about 100 metres away and I couldn’t hear them. They got someone to get a rowing boat out of his boathouse and row them out to me. It was the Coastguard Mud Rescue Team.

I pointed out, through our Covid masks, that I had no intention of going in the mud, so I didn’t really need rescuing. They said they had concerns about my emotional health. I didn’t really know what to say about that. There were too many of them in the rowing boat to take me off, so the man whose boat it was rowed them back to the bank, dropped two of them off then had to row back for me. He just lived there. Amazingly, the Coastguard Mud Rescue team doesn’t have a dinghy.

As we walked back to my car and my phone I found out what had happened. The walker had phoned Devoted Partner who being a brick dutifully called the boatyard. Who told her they couldn’t do anything because their boat needed water as well as mine did, and why didn’t she phone the Coastguard? They were joking, but being a very nice, caring woman as well as Devoted Partner and a brick, that’s exactly what she did.

I went home, thanked her and drove back the next day. The boatyard gave me a lift down in their work tug. The Folkboat was fine, floating at anchor. My fibreglass dinghy wasn’t. We managed, somehow, to tow it back the mile up Martlesham Creek but by the time we got to my mooring it was pretty much in two halves. I bought a brand new, much nicer inflatable dinghy the next week, long overdue, but that isn’t the point of this tale.

Attention Seeking

I felt I needed a reliable way of attracting attention in future, preferably without my mental health being called into question. The Coastguard said their transmitter was out, hence no reply. Traditionally, you use flares. Not the velvet ones they used to advertise in New Musical Express, but the pyrotechnic kind, either quite exciting parachute flares, which shoot up into the sky and shine a red light for about 10 seconds, or handheld red flares which are great for blinding you, incinerating your hand and setting fire to your boat. They don’t burn for very long and they have a shelf-life. The end of that is when your problems really start, because it’s completely unclear to me where you can get rid of them safely. You used to drop them off at the Coastguard shed, but that’s stopped years ago.

Groovy flares, man.

But this thing solves both those problems. It’s battery powered. One twist of the switch and it burns not for ten seconds or so, but for 60 hours. Even groovier, it doesn’t use flash, it flashes S-O-S! How cool is that? It never goes out of date. It won’t burn your hand, your boat or your eyeballs out, although if you actually are stupid enough to look directly at it in the yard when you’re testing it one dark night as I obviously am, expect to still see its short-short-short-long-long-long-short-short-short ghost image burned on your retinae for the next ten minutes or so.

Even better, because good kit is never cheap, I got this one from someone who bought it last year and never used it, so half price. Like all the other safety kit I’ve ever bought, I hope it’ll turn out to be a total waste of money.

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Want to know how it feels?

Yes, please. If that’s alright with you.

Kate Bush asked me this, years ago. Well ok, so she asked everyone else too, but still. I’m pretty sure I saw her and her Mum in Laura Ashley in Bath, when she and I were about 18. The location is plausible enough. Maybe we did actually share a moment. Certainly eye contact, the way you do over the years. Mine have included Kate O’Mara round the back of Sadler’s Wells and Pamela Stephenson (or to you, Lady Connolly as she styles herself now that her TV career has expanded from having a grenade stuffed down her blouse on The Professionals) getting off a Tube train I was getting on.

We didn’t, you know. Speak or anything.

But what-ifs aside – actually no. We’re living in the middle of the biggest what-if in England ever. What if we left a successful trading union that brought us countless benefits, had government ministers telling lie after lie after lie about how easy and successful it would be, had an Old Etonian Prime Minister who thought it was funny to call black people picaninnies in the papers, cut our exports by 68% overnight and 99% of the media told us it’s all totally brilliant? It would be laughable except for the fact that it’s true.

But Kate Bush. And this is true as well.

I went out one night. Drink was taken. I met this girl and we got on brilliantly, went back to mine and duly fell asleep. And asleep, you dream. I do, anyway. In my dream I met Kate Bush at a party. We’d both been drinking, which was plausible enough, not least as there’s video of her actually smoking a cigarette, which for me was like finding a film of the Pope with a remarkable command of Anglo-Saxon having a fight with a nightclub doorman.

Kate told me in that honeyed voice that this was something special. That she wanted to remember this. She didn’t want it to be just a drunken fumble that got out of hand. And in the morning it was going to be wow, wow, wow, wow, wow (wow) unbelievable.

I thought I took it on the chin. I didn’t ask for an actual printed receipt about the morning. I didn’t say there’s nothing wrong with a drunken fumble that gets out of hand. I did what you have to do (which in those days was an abortive fumble above the waist on the off-chance and dutifully heard the expected and resigned ‘Go to sleep’) and went to sleep. Hey, it was the ’80s.

When I woke the other side of the duvet was turned down. The sheet was warm where she’d lain. There are noises from the bathroom. There are actual noises of toothbrushes and soap dishes from my bathroom. I heard the bathroom door open and light, female feet in the hallway.

In about 30 seconds she’s going to open my bedroom door and step into my bedroom. There will be no morning-after dog-breath. Her hair will be well, like Kate Bush’s hair. See above. It’s going to be In The Warm Room in quadrophonic surround sound. My life is going to be complete, better than the way it was when I drove halfway across America to visit Hunter Thompson.

29, 28,27, 26 and the door is opening and …..

And suddenly there was a wrenching, churning pain in my stomach, an overwhelming feeling of loss, as if something had fallen out of me. I sat up in bed, arm outstretched, pointing at her. At the awful realisation, as I cried out, that …..that…..that….

You’re not Kate Bush!

The person who wasn’t took it quite well, considering.

So yes, Kate, or yes, as you were back then, anyway. I still want to know how it feels. Any time you want to finish that conversation is fine with me.

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The Lieutenant’s Goose

I originally wrote this in 2003. I remember the sunny, windy day when I found what I didn’t know.

Walking back

Near the village where I live are small paved trackways made of pre-cast concrete. Some of them have had a layer of tarmac, but some of them are still the way the US Army Airforce laid them 65 years ago. Off one of them I found a pile of rubble in a field, where on my map an airfield should have been. The gate was open so I drove in, down a wide white concrete track, just wide enough to be a runway but nothing was going to land here now, with big piles of soil and bricks dumped on it.

The runway stopped abruptly and another concrete track ran left and right at the end of it. On the right I steered past old and rusty farm machinery along with big lorry wheels, railway sleepers and unidentified massive bits of metal. I found two low brick sheds with flaking plaster and asbestos roofs opposite each other off yet another side track.

I parked and got out of the car and looking up saw a Little Owl, a tiny thing with dark brown stripes on its head, watching me from an empty window. It flew off suddenly, not in a panic or a flurry, but still suddenly, up through a hole in the shed roof. IIn the entrance to the shed there was a pile of sturdy grey wooden cases, marked Rocket Motors, MkII, about five feet long, a foot wide. Some were open, all were empty and abandoned. The wood was thick and solid and 60 years old. There were also two smaller bright blue wooden cases, open and showing scooped rests for something, but whatever they used to hold was long gone.

The whole place felt as if everyone left in a hurry. (It turned out it had – after VE Day, May 1945, all the pilots were sent on two weeks leave pending orders they thought would ship them out to the Pacific war. Instead, they were sent to Neiubiburg. By July, they’d all gone). I knew this used to be a fighter airfield. These boxes must have held rockets for ground attack in the last days of the German war. (They weren’t in fact, these boxes were dumped there by the RAF, shortly after the USAAF left). “Buy Bonds!” was written in black on the walls of one of the sheds, all of them now empty of things from then, except for the wooden cases and the gaudy paintwork, yellow and green or blue two-tone walls.

There was some graffiti dated 1985 signed by “Andy” who would now be 32 if he was 15 then. But not a lot of it. Most of the windows were broken, some shot-out with a small hole so probably by an air rifle, but apart from that this was an abandoned place sleeping in the morning sun. I drove back down the runway and saw an old painted 5 gallon oil can, triangular, still with some painted logo on it. I always find I accelerate on a runway without meaning to. You can’t help it. There were just two or three other buildings, one in good condition, up the lane on the farm.

The gate was shut when I got back to it, but not locked, luckily. Three thousand people lived here for eighteen months. Nearly fifty people (actually it was 82) went from here and died within just a few hours. Apart from the two war memorials, both with different numbers of people listed as killed, there are very few other signs anyone ever lived here. Who do you ask?

I’d asked people in Leiston, the nearest town to where the airfield used to be. The cycle shop man had made a model P51 Mustang aircraft with his brother, one that actually flew with a motor, but said he’d not heard about the airfield. The greengrocer’s shop played swing music on a CD most days, but no-one there was anything like old enough to remember the airfield.

Only the lady in the corner grocer’s knew anything about it. She remembered playing on the empty runways in the days just after the war, before the 1950s, her brothers and friends standing on the hardstand, then spreading their arms as they ran faster and faster down the silent runways to their futures under the big Suffolk sky. And standing still, talking down the airplanes from their ghostly landing patterns, waiting until the last one was home, engine switched off, chocks under the wheels, wings tied down for the night, canvas covers over the engine and cockpit, the canopy shut.

The entire airfield was shut. By the time I found it even existed almost all of it was gone, returned as it should be to farmland. In one of the coincidences that are much more common than they seem to be, the land where the airfield had been was now owned by a German, who was not overly keen for people to tramp about his fields looking for evidence of the people who systematically destroyed anything they could see in his own country half a century before.

I wasn’t even born when all this had happened. The only way it was anything to do with me was the fact that I lived in a village called Yoxford. The first thing I did when I moved in was Google the name of the village, mostly to see if anyone there had heard of the Internet and put up a village website. The very first thing I found was a website called The Yoxford Boys. I thought it was going to be something like how I imagined the Boys Brigade, probably a boxing club or something similar, run by a keen vicar, or maybe a pub darts team with a waggish sense of humour.

Instead I found the first clue that there had been more here than I knew about, and more than it was easy to find-out. I’d already met an old lady at the bus stop who told me about the garage her husband used to have where the layby on the main road was now, and how he had made what they took for serious money repairing tyres for the American trucks running up and down the main road. I’d talked to a carpenter who lived on the main road itself, in a house 400 hundred years old, whose biggest regret he said was not having lived through the 1939-45 war. And here you’re going to have to bear with me, because I am not going to type 1939-45 every time I mention what to my generation will always just be “the war.” The big war, the one they made so many films about. The one that dominated my parents’s lives, that hung plastic Airfix kit models of Fortresses and Messerschmitts, Dorniers and Spitfires from almost every boy’s bedroom ceiling. He meant that the war was the last time anything really happened in Suffolk. I thought then that he was joking. Now I don’t think he was at all.

This is a true story. Some of it is about the war, but only in the sense that that is when it happened. This is not a story about war. It is a story about one man’s walk, when being 19 then he missed his last transport home from Ispwich. At around 6am the next morning he had orders to fly across Germany, in one of the last combat missions of the entire war. He thinks now the date was probably April 20th, 1945. Leiston Airfield, Station 373, is 26 miles from Ipswich. This is a story of how a young pilot had to walk to his temporary home, one warm night a long time ago.

This is the audio version of the story, broadcast on Radio Suffolk in 2020.

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