Encrypt this, baby

Obviously as soon as he was back from his fake photocall promoting freedom of speech by, for example, cozying up to medievalist feudal kings who have people beheaded in car parks or lashed for blogging, or Presidents of countries where they Photoshop women out of photos, and run down people for stealing chickens (on my kibbutz, since you ask. And they were proud of it) David Cameron called for freedom to be defended by spying on everyone. But don’t worry, apologists were quick to point out, he didn’t mean the government should have copies of everyone’s email.

No. That would be wholly wrong. Private companies should instead. Government is totally useless, except when it’s brilliant. I don’t know what meds Cameron is on at the moment, but the split personality thing isn’t getting any better by the sound of it.

Obviously jobbing off your emails to SERCO and the minimum wage zero-hours contract monkeys they usually employ in the interests of shareholder profit is going to be totally safe. After all, it wasn’t a private company that has repeatedly lost data sticks with people’s personal details on them, unlike the government and its branches, or sadly lost files that might have put a former Home Secretary in the nonces wing, or anything like that.

The snag is, there’s a good, quick, legal way around having the government finding out whose wife you’re spending perhaps a little too much time with, or whatever else you’re doing: don’t send it.

And if that sounds too obvious read on, because it works like this.

If you get a Yahoo account it’s free. It probably works with any other free email account, but I know it works with Yahoo. Because I do.

It's just between us, ok?
It’s just between us, ok?
Write your email. “Your eyes are as limpid pools into whose very depths a man could dive and never surface, immersed in your beauty forever. And btw I found your watch. It was under my socks. Did he notice you didn’t have it on?” You know the kind of thing. Possibly. Anyway, save it as a draft. DO NOT SEND IT.

Now the clever bit. Tell the person you want to talk to the email account name and the password.

Then they can login and read the message in the draft folder.

It will never show up in any sent messages. It will never show up in anyone’s inbox. It will never show up as traffic anywhere. Because it’s never gone anywhere.

Neat, isn’t it?

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