Dear Chinese people,
Even though it’s written in English, even though most of you won’t be able to read it, please read this open letter to you all.
I know you don’t give a stuff about human rights or copyright protection or executing people for looking funny at Chairman Mao’s poster. I know you don’t give a stuff about child labour or employee safety or seemingly anything much at all, except having everything every which way in your Communist-controlled capitalist exemplar of a state. I blame Nixon, personally. He was the man who transformed China from where? to the country that bankrolls the West and fills its shops with the plastic tat that passes for the good life, notwithstanding that the West gave it the money to do that in the first place.
But that’s not my letter. My letter is really, really short. Just four words, really.
What do you want?
That’s it. It’s really easy. Well, it probably is for you, but I’d dearly like to know the answer. You see, this blog, if that’s what it is, sort of gets an ok-ish number of visits. For what it is, at least. But half of them are from you. In China. And I don’t understand that.
Every time I post anything, within seconds, half the views are from China. What is it about my stuff? I mean, I don’t even write anything about China. Germany, yes. Mythic Britain, quite a lot, as in the Britain in my head. France a bit. America sometimes. China not at all.
I would say you’re very welcome, but you’re actually not. I don’t know anyone in China. I went to Hong Kong once, for three days thirteen years ago and memorable as I am, I don’t think anyone in the Mandarin Orient got so fond of me they follow my blog, honestly. So it’s spyware of some kind. Something automatic. Not a real person. Watching my posts. For what? For something it can use, is the obvious, the only plausible answer. So if it’s all the same to you, please don’t. Stealing is bad manners where I come from.