Years ago I read an ad in the Personals. No, honestly, it really was years ago, although it’s probably time to start reading them again. There really was a real ad from a woman who took about a quarter page ad, telling everyone about her children and how devoted she was to them (as if anyone was asking) and how she would always put them first (as she should) and how nobody would get between her and them (as if they’d want to).
It just went on and on and on, as if someone kept suggesting the opposite, over her shoulder. I don’t know if anyone ever replied. I didn’t. The saddest thing was also the funniest thing, the very last line:
I’m looking for a man with no baggage.
It’s always stayed with me. So I updated it a little, in case that poor woman is still out there somewhere, still going on about her adult children. I should say now, this poem, if that’s what it is, is NOT based on or about anyone I have ever known, met, spoken to or done anything else with. Ever.
All Of Your S**t
I’m looking for someone
Without any baggage
I am a man woman couple looking for a fun
Reliable person partner soulmate
Who is tall short and dark light
Who is funny serious adventurous
And likes staying at home
And going out with friends,
Just chilling, doing the same things.
They say opposites attract lol.
I love my children, my home, my family
My car my job I would give the world
Lay down my life for or
Never forgive them or someone, for something.
I love my pets and
I don’t want any ties right now.
I like walking on beaches in the mountains.
I love going on Citybreaks in the countryside.
I want someone to be there for me
When I need them and I can’t handle commitment
Right now. I love having no responsibilities
And caring and going away
Whenever I like.
I love staying at home.
I am looking for a life
Partner a serious relationship
A one-night stand
Who knows let’s see. Fun.
I am married, single, divorced,
Separated, just looking.
And widowed. It’s complicated.
Delete as appropriate.
Delete as inappropriate.
Friend me. Chat. Txt. IM me.
Review my post and report me to Facebook.
Delete my posts on your timeline.
Remove your profile and change
Your privacy settings
Even as you change mine.
Forever and ever,
Or until the next time.
Mark me as flagged until that thing happens when
First the Xs disappear from your msgs
And quickly then the txts get shorter
And less often until sooner than you thought
There’s no reply at all and quite finally
Without appeal and irrevocably,
You just unfriend me.
So I’m looking for someone
Without any baggage.
(c) Carl Bennett 2013
Looking back I can see I posted this on November 28th. That was the day I went to the Blaxhall Ship and my life changed quite considerably.
