Like A River Through My Dreams

“They feel that technology has got a lot to do with the forces that are trying to turn them into mass people and they don’t like it. I think their flight from and hatred of technology is self-defeating.”

Robert Persig; Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintainance, 1974.

Last week I bought the book I’ve bought and given on twice before. Third time lucky maybe. Someone whose opinion I respected when I was 17 told me I wasn’t interested in Persig’s philosophy or his Chautauqua, his thoughts on mechanisation, alienation nor anomy, nor anything expect the motorcycle part of the title, and there’s not a whole lot of that in the book. He was wrong. I was fascinated, as Persig was, as Brautigan was, by the idea of an America that was just out of reach in the past, where people wandered to heal themselves in a huge, empty land of big skies.

I even won a competition writing about it when I was 14, or at least, writing about the movie version of it, shamelessly stealing everything I could from Kerouac and the movie Hudd. I might as well have written about England using Crossroads and Jerome K Jerome as a template. 

This road is closed.

OK, nobody can see the future, let alone say how things are going to be half a century in the future, which it’s still quite a shock to have to write, given I was alive and reading when Zen And was written. The most individualist individualist goes online to say how much he hates technology these days, or none of the other individuals get to hear about him at all. And then what would the point of social media be? I’m not sure if anyone even bothers with the notion of hating technology, or not being part of a mass movement, or wondering what it means to be an individual and how you combine that with being a part of society, which whether they like it or not, everyone is, anymore.

But I’ve never understood people who don’t take at least an interest in how their vehicle works. It dates back to when I first had motorcycles and couldn’t afford for anyone else to repair or maintain them. If it was going to get done then I had to be the one who did it. There wasn’t a choice. It dates back to a conversation I had with a kid my age whose Daddy had bought him a brand new motorcycle to go with the brand new Fonz-style leather jacket that would have given about as much protection as a box of Kleenex. I’d read something about steering geometry in Bike magazine, which back then was my substitute for the Bible. And he totally couldn’t understand the concept that a longer wheelbase is going to be more stable than a short one, better on long, sweeping curves than short radius rapid changes of direction. He genuinely thought that ‘so the bike knows what kind of corner it is?’ was a snappy come-back that totally proved his point. It seemed to be that dirt bikes are dirt bikes, grand prix bikes are grand prix bikes, and apparently, some factor in their names made the difference. Apparently, I was the one who’d got it all wrong. 

He desperately wanted my Triumph T25 because it looked cool, so I sold it to him. It sprang an oil leak from a loose cover on the top right-hand side of the engine. Instead of fixing it with a cardboard gasket using a biro and a Stanley knife, the way I did in fifteen minutes in the stockroom of the supermarket where we both had Saturday jobs, he scampered all the way to his Daddy to get help to get his money back before he went to the London School of Economics. I neither know nor care what happened to him after that. He would have kept his hands clean, whatever he did. Someone else I knew worked for IBM. He couldn’t understand how I could say a steam locomotive we walked past came from Eastern Europe just by the shape of it. I couldn’t understand how he couldn’t.

The past is another country. They do things differently there.

Ten years ago I worked in a hospital where they still did what they’d done to Robert Persig in a different hospital in America but the effect was the same. Electro-convulsive therapy means jolting massive voltages into someone’s brain. Predictably enough, it obliterates memory. Quite a lot of the time it’s remarkably effective at wiping-out memories of traumatic events, the kind that can ruin the rest of someone’s life. As the NHS explain, it isn’t used as often to cure severe mental illness now, because there are more drug treatments available. I remember seeing someone who’d had a drug treatment one lunchtime. When I got back from my walk an hour later he was still in exactly the same place as when I first saw him, drugged into total immobility, way overweight because he hardly moved anywhere these days, entirely consistent with what we knew about every drug-therapy inmate – they’re going to die about 15 years before people outside the hospital, because although we can stop them killing themselves or somebody else by making them immobile, we can’t translate that into making them want to live.

On one level, Zen And is about Persig’s rider character discovering and rediscovering that the Phaedrus character is him pre-ECT. It can wipe out memories of things you might reasonably want to remember. Your partner’s name, for example, or where you went to school. Stuff it might be useful to keep in mind. Such as social progess, or reproductive rights, or the ability to live and work in another country without having to pass tests and prove a level of income. Or the fact that if you have even a basic awareness of the vehicle you travel in, you can save yourself a lot of money if you can recognise when things start to go wrong, even if it’s just a feeling you can’t quite articulate. 

On a motorcycle, I call that a day you shouldn’t ride anywhere. It’s a time to stop, sit down and think about what you know and what that tells you about things you don’t know. It could be a new sound you’ve never heard before or just a difference in the feeling of the ride that tells you the brakes or the suspension isn’t all it ought to be. 

I didn’t know about ECT back when I read the book. I didn’t know about America and I think I know less about it now the election of a lifetime is being decided. I drove across those flyover states Persig rode decades ago, doing my very best to be the hero of my own road movie. And pretty much succeeding, for what that was worth. It was a theme that stayed with me way too long, thanks to the movies.

I loved the idea of chautauqua. I thought maybe I’d be involved in that one day, somewhere, and in the spoken word stuff I used to do maybe I was. I loved the theme of working things out for yourself, which for me is what motorcycles or boats are all about, that idea that you can do it just as well as a paid mechanic, the way John Fowles described poor Charles in The French Lieutenant’s Woman, scrambling to classify the things he found on his walks around Lyme Regis, in exactly the same way and for the same reasons trained scientists did then: nobody had and you’ve got to start somewhere. It made the amateur and the professor equals, for the last time in history. Looking for the link so you can buy the book, dear reader, I found this Quora-type question and answer, which unlike most of Quora, seemed to the point.

What is the point of the French Lieutenant’s Woman?

Fowles is concerned in this novel with the effects of society on the individual’s awareness of himself or herself and how that awareness dominates and distorts his or her entire life, including relationships with other people.

The Blood Runs Like A River Through My Dreams

I didn’t write that. It was a book about being what used to be called a Red Indian, a Native American, First Nation survivor, about twenty years back, when it wasn’t tipis and pow-wows but clapped-out pickup trucks, casinos and foetal alcohol syndrome. I read that book over and over again. I felt the pain, but not as much as when I discovered that the writer was about as much Red Indian as I am. Which in case you’re wondering, isn’t much at all. This winter morning I’m still reading Zen And The Art for the countlessth time.  And it makes me wonder about this book. As Meatloaf said, it was long ago and it was far away. To which Mr Persig has the ultimate reply.

There’s no traffic on this road, and we’re moving right along. It’s a travelling day.

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Carl Bennett

Not born in a cross-fire hurricane because there is no such thing. Actually Stratford on Avon general hospital, since when Dorset, Wiltshire, compulsory London and currently Suffolk.

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