Nobody’s house that I know, just to be clear.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/h4>\nPlease Don’t Slag Me Off To Your Cleaner<\/h4>\n<\/h4>\n
If you cut me do I not bleed?<\/p>\n
If you bleed me do I not cry?<\/p>\n
If you hurt me do I not write poetry?<\/p>\n
What did you think I would do?<\/p>\n
Make something on my iPhone<\/p>\n
And upload it to YouTube?<\/p>\n
At my age? And anyway it\u2019s all<\/p>\n
Carefully anonymised<\/p>\n
As we tacitly agreed<\/p>\n
Except I\u2019m hearing stuff<\/p>\n
Coming back about me.<\/p>\n
So I don\u2019t think writing poetry<\/p>\n
Is really any meaner than you<\/p>\n
Bitching on about me to your cleaner<\/p>\n
And yes, I heard about that too.<\/p>\n
I went to the pub you used to go to;<\/p>\n
The one you won\u2019t visit now in case I\u2019m there<\/p>\n
And had a chat with people you didn\u2019t know I knew<\/p>\n
You see? So if you\u2019re going public<\/p>\n
It\u2019ll get back to me and I thought we\u2019d agreed<\/p>\n
That wasn\u2019t the way it was going to be.<\/p>\n
That isn\u2019t the sort of thing<\/p>\n
People like us do, me and you.<\/p>\n
So I want you to listen to this, please:<\/p>\n
While I say look, I don\u2019t understand,<\/p>\n
Let alone really know why it ended<\/p>\n
But then, I\u2019m a man,<\/p>\n
But we made an agreement;<\/p>\n
What we\u2019d said that night was true;<\/p>\n
Or I meant what I said.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not sure about you, these days.<\/p>\n
So you can moan about me:<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not stitching-up you.<\/p>\n
And anyway it was only that one time<\/p>\n
On the stairs. She was cleaning the shower<\/p>\n
I was taking some air and I\u2019d really forgotten<\/p>\n
There was anyone there.<\/p>\n
I mean really it wasn\u2019t even a misdemeanour,<\/p>\n
So please don\u2019t keep slagging me off to your cleaner.<\/p>\n
And I\u2019ve only seen her once or twice since then anyway.<\/p>\n
She\u2019d been doing your shower.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d been washing my hair.<\/p>\n
There really wasn\u2019t anything happening there<\/p>\n
And despite what you thought I wasn\u2019t there for the scenery<\/p>\n
So please don\u2019t keep going on about me to your cleaner.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not as if we were doing anything obscene<\/p>\n
Or anything. Really.<\/p>\n
And obviously I fully realise<\/p>\n
That pretty soon now it’s all going to polarise,<\/p>\n
Time to start dripping selected juicy lies,<\/p>\n
The friends of the groom and the friends of the bride,<\/p>\n
We’re all choosing weapons so pick your side now<\/p>\n
Between \u2018What a bastard!\u2019 and \u2018Stupid cow!\u2019<\/p>\n
But I can remember when our grass was greener<\/p>\n
So please, please, don\u2019t slag me off to your cleaner.<\/p>\n
<\/h4>\n
(c) Carl Bennett 2014<\/em><\/p>\n<\/h4>\n<\/h4>\n<\/h4>\n
And no, of course I didn’t feel up someone’s cleaner while I was staying at their house. It’s just a poem. Sort of.<\/p>\n
<\/h4>\n<\/h4>\n<\/h4>\n
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